Be Kind Always

Be Kind Always... 

suicide, anorexia, abuse, hurt, working poorYou never know what someone is going through.  I have read so many posts in the last couple of days about being kind to each other and not judging someone by the way they look.  You know what I am talking about if you are in the author community or an avid reader of romance novels.  But, what got me is at the same time that I saw those posts and people were telling others to be kind to people they were saying mean and hurtful comments about the man that said his controversial comment.  Not everyone, but enough that it really hit home with me.  

We preach kindness, but we tear down the person that acted badly in the first place. I know I have done it.  Especially, when someone attacks someone I love either verbally or physically. One example is when a child physically attacked and verbally assaulted my son.  Be the example for changeMomma bear went on attack mode, and no I didn't attack physically, but I wanted to, but I yelled at that child that hurt my son, I made the child cry. I felt horrible for what I had done as soon as I did it.  And, what thought to myself what did I just teach my son.  I taught him that it was alright to pick on someone smaller than him. 

Stop Body shaming I apologized to the boy and sat him down and talked to him.  I found out a lot about that young boy.  I found out that he was being neglected by his parents, I found out that he was being hit and picked on by some older kids in the neighborhood, and that his older siblings hurt him regularly.  He found a safe place at my home and we also got the school involved and they helped him get the resources to help him at home and after school.  He no longer lives around here and I think of him and hope he is doing better. My point here is don't bully the bully, even when you want too, even when you know that there really is no reason for the bully to be a bully, or rather you think you know there is no reason. 

One of my favorite quotes that went around the Facebook world a while back someone's post:

 "The boy you punched in the hall today, committed suicide a few minutes ago. The girl you called a slut in class today, she's a virgin. The boy you called lame, he has to work every night to support his family. The girl you pushed down the other day, she's already being abused at home. The girl you called fat, she's starving herself.  The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars, he fought for his country. The boy you made fun of for crying, his mother is dying. You think you know them. Guess what? You don't!"

I am not saying everyone that makes a statement that is hurtful or like the one that people are fuming about right now is a good person.Be the change that is needed I really don't know, I hadn't heard of him until the controversy, but that's the exact point I don't know him.  I don't know if he was raised around a man that always told him he was fat or he wasn't good enough unless he works out and looks a certain way.  I know that happens because my dad did that to my brothers.  Told them they were too skinny, did not have enough muscles and that they needed to stop being such girls.  But, he did that because that is exactly what his dad did to them.  

My dad is a good man, don't get me wrong. He is a loving man and takes care of his family and loves them.  But, even men get judged harshly by the way they look and especially how they act.  I have gotten on my own husband about doing that to our boys. My youngest is very small for his age.  Smiles, beauty is on the outside, find the inside of a person to know who they areMy husband would make comments to him about how much he eats telling him he needs to eat more and when he gets older he will need to work out so he will look like a real man.  That stopped real quickly.  Or telling my daughter when she was younger not to do certain things or she would get hurt and have scars and that she wouldn't be able to be a model.  Nobody should be ashamed of scars, weight or looks. 

I've changed my families passed down trait on judging what a man should look like, or that a girl can't have scars or tattoos but that change didn't happen until I heard myself judging other people by the way they dressed or how they did their hair. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to judge a person by their looks, but then I had to also stop judging them by their actions at times. I don't know what they went through or how they were taught. I taught myself to look at them and try and figure out where they were coming from. 

Don't get me wrong there are people out there that are just mean and judgmental, pure and simple they are bullies.  But, I don't know that, so I play the devil's advocate, I try to see their side of it and find something positive out of it.  I turn the bad into positive. I try to see their scars to see where they are coming from, at times I try to educate them on why they hurt someone and try to help them fix it.  I know that doesn't happen very often. But, each person I can help to see how their words or actions help is one more person that can see how they as a person affect the ones around them.

In this day and age, we need to use kindness, instead of lashing out. We need to teach our children empathy and kindness. We have school shootings because of the hurt we cause each other.  We have been taught to stand up for ourselves which all-in-all is great, but now we need to learn that striking out at the person that has upset us or hurt us is not the right way. We should learn more understanding, more empathy, and go in not to hurt back but to help to see why they are bullying, or to find them help and heal them.  Kindness goes a long way in healing a persons soul and spirit. One kind word can stop someone from killing themselves or others. One kind action from us can heal more than people understand.

Yes, I know a lot of the school shootings are because of mental illness, but you hear that a lot of those kids that committed those heinous crimes felt bullied, singled out and tortured before they carried out those shootings. They fell through the cracks in our mental health system, school system, and their parent's lives. They felt pain many of us didn't understand and didn't see.

We also have people hurting each other over parking spots, we have people killing each other over petty things, things that in the long run don't matter. We need to learn to walk away from the confrontations sometimes.  We don't know what that person has been going through, we don't know if they are having a bad day, or had a string of things happen to them that they had no control over ie... like a death of a loved one, an illness, financial situation, or so many other things.

I make it my New Years' Resolution to find positive in all things and if I can't find the positive than at least learn a positive message out of the negative.  I will find it in myself to be kind always even when I feel it is impossible. I will build up the people around me.  I will find something positive in every person I come in contact with and I will tell them.  Even if it is something as simple as telling them they have a beautiful smile, eyes or button. If I see someone hurting, I will try and see if I can help or find them help. I will be the action, not just the words.



 My favorite tees are my stay human, be kind always, empower and perfect is overrated.  They state this message proudly and reminding the people around me of my message.  Please take a look at them and see if they fit your message.

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